The Thrill Of It

I did warn you last time about the vanity that will cloud all my orthognathic posts.

Big progress. Lloyd Searson passed me up to Professor Hunt at the Eastman Dental Hospital in Gray's Inn Road where I had my first consultation today. It takes the best part of forever to qualify as a maxillo-facial surgeon - you have to become, serially, a doctor, a dentist and a surgeon. 19 years from start to finish.




My teeth. They look even worse in colour. Note please the underbite, the fangs and the skewedness of the jaws in relation to each other.

Professor Hunt threw me though with his first question. I thought he would dive in to the mouth, armed with pointy instruments of torture and start clicking his tongue and shaking his head at the teeth themselves. Not a bit of it. Instead he asked me what I would I would like done to my face. What don't you like, what would you want to change, tabula rasa, money no object.




A successful course of orthognathic treatment will not only correct the appearance and function of my teeth but will also aim to improve the aesthetics of my face overall. Chin implants, skin tightening, a cursory nose job, the works.

Professor Hunt was at pains to stress to me that part of the preparation will include simulated photographs and psychological assessments to see if I am adjusted to the idea of not looking like myself anymore. I just want to stop looking something like this:



Perhaps I can start flicking through magazines (What Chin?) and picking my favourite jaw lines. I may even pick one of my friends and say 'give me one of those.' It could even be you. If it isn't, don't take it personally. I've always thought you had a lovely mandible but I don't think yours would match my curtains.

None of this will happen overnight. I will wear braces for 20+ months that will align the teeth but make the overbite worse.

Then surgery will move the maxilla (top jaw) forward. God only knows how you detach it from the skull - God and Professor Hunt anyway. I have a growing suspicion that they may be the same person.

The lower jaw gets most of the operating theatre action though. At the point where the two red lines meet in the photo below the surgeons will cleave the jaw bone, move the horizontal section backwards into its new, improved setting and remove the excess. The words 'bone' and 'saw' were used in the same sentence here and I felt a little twinge of squeamishness.




Amazingly it seems as though the National 'Elf are happy to foot the bill for all of this. What's a mere 20 jibs when compared to the joy of making Alex very slightly happier? New faces for all!

I'm seriously grateful and more than a little excited by the thought that within three or four years I will be able to smile. I left The Eastman and walked out into the bright London streets humming a little song.